A simple but effective question I ask myself when I find myself avoiding things I need to do.
It’s morning and I have wasted over an hour on my phone in bed. I finally get ready and go to the coffee shop to write, but I end up scrolling on my phone for another hour. I finally push myself to do some things before having to go to the office, but I am angry with myself because it was not as much as I had planned, and it wasn’t as effective as I wanted.
This was my life for a long time. I couldn’t understand why I kept delaying.
I know that I am not alone in this. There are millions of people like me killing time distracting themselves from what they should be doing.
Why do we waste so much time distracting ourselves?
In my journey to self-improvement, I learned to examine my feelings to find what they were telling me.
When I examined why I put off getting started with my day and my tasks, I found that I was feeling anxious. This anxiety pointed to things like feeling overwhelmed with all the work I needed to do.
I had a lot on my to do list. If I finished one thing, there were a million more to do.
I was also overwhelmed by what the future might bring. I would have a myriad of other small obligations pop-up caused by my success or even my failure.
I had fears. What if I did all this work and nothing came to fruition? What if what I did was just not good enough? What if it didn’t meet my expectations quickly enough?
All of these fears combined with the feeling of being overwhelmed caused my monkey brain to panic. The monkey wanted peace and quiet. It wanted me to stick to what I already knew. It wanted me to save my energy for emergencies. So, it pushed me to check my phone. It nudged me to play a simple game, “one time only.” It said, “It won’t hurt to watch just a few videos on Instagram. We still have plenty of time.”
Here is the simple strategy I used to get past these feelings.
I answered three simple questions.
Question one: Could I give up something all my life like alcohol or playing games? The answer was, “Not really, because I don’t want to.”
Question two: In that case, could you not drink or play a game today? I thought, “Sure, I can do that.”
I think most normal people (those without severe addictions) can give up something for one day. When we shorten the time that we need to do or not do things, they become more manageable.
We can use this to our advantage by asking question three.
Question three: Ask yourself if you can just do some work only for today or for only 10 minutes. Don’t worry about tomorrow or the rest of the day. Don’t worry about anything else. Just focus on that particular moment. I bet most people can say yes to this question.
Why this Simple Question Works
When we focus on just this moment, it helps to reduce the overthinking. We wonder if all this work will be worth it. We worry about failing. We worry if we have done enough. We worry about everything.
Focusing on just now protects us from unmet expectations. We all have the idea that everything will go in a certain way. As soon as something gets off track, it can be enough to derail many people permanently.
Thinking about this moment now makes the fear die down. People fear all the time that what they do will be criticized, or that their work will lead to nothing and be a waste.
I learned that by teaching myself to focus on the present moment for only a short period of time, mostly negates all the above.
They are still there, but I found that if I focus on doing something in that particular moment, it moves my mind away from those fears.
You can suddenly reduce all the extra noise by asking yourself questions that only focus on the present. That noise is what triggers our primitive brain to react, causing us to procrastinate. When you get rid of the extra noise, it becomes so much easier to get started. Less willpower is needed. You no longer need motivation.
It’s simple. Can I just do this for today? Can I work on this, right now, for only 10 minutes? When you can answer yes, it frees your mind from everything above.
How to use this idea of one more day.
For any task that you must do, ask a question that relates to doing it for only a short time.
Could I just work on this for 10 minutes? Could I just exercise today? Could I eat no carbs just today? Could I go for just 5 more minutes? Could I avoid playing this game today?
Next, as soon as the pressure is reduced, start doing what you said yes to. It’s that simple.
Many People Have it Backwards
If you think about it, many people use this technique all the time but in the wrong way. They use it to give themselves permission to continue bad things.
It’s okay if I eat this cookie now. It’s okay if I skip today. It’s okay if I start it tomorrow. It’s okay if I play this game one more time.
This mindset leads to a road of stress and disappointment in oneself.
Reverse it.
Can I avoid eating cookies today? Can I do it for just today? Can I just start it today? Can I stop playing this game right now?
Get to yes, and then do it. The more you practice, the more empowerment you will build.
What happened when I used this technique?
I have been using this technique every morning and with every task. Can I keep writing another 10 minutes? Can I avoid not eating carbs in just this meal?
As soon as I answered yes, I could feel the pressure from my monkey brain lesson. I didn’t have all the other things in my head get in the way. The challenge was small enough so I knew that I could do it.
I went from using a lot of willpower to finding that I did not need to use much of it. This gave me more energy throughout the day. I also felt really good about getting things done and this led to even more productivity in other areas.
Most importantly, with the increased productivity, my self-esteem rose, and feeling better about myself was empowering.
Try it Yourself
What is one thing you are delaying on? Could you work on it now for just 30 minutes? Could you put down your phone and go outside and take a walk without looking at it? Could you wash those dishes in your sink right now?
It really is very simple. As soon as you say yes, do it.
Try it on something you have been putting off at this moment and do it. After you have finished, I challenge you to come back here and write in the comments what you did. Can you do that?
Did it work for you?
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