How I Won My Life-Long Battle with Chronic Procrastination

I couldn’t make lasting change until I learned how to come to address and aknowledge my past.

I spent my whole life on a roller coaster of ups and downs.  I achieved lots of success only to fall back into my old patterns of self-sabotage and watch it all slip away.

I was the poster boy for the self-help market.  I read, studied, and tried many different techniques, tools, and ideas.

Over the years, I achieved success only to repeat my cycle of self-destruction.

I didn’t do it on purpose.  I didn’t want to fail.

Sometimes, through discipline and willpower, I was able to get a lot done.  However, over time, I would eventually fall back to destructive habits.

I kept wondering why I kept returning to my old ways.

Internal Conflicts Caused by Early Programming Caused Me to Procrastinate

I eventually discovered that past emotional events had created deep programming that was conflicting with what I wanted to achieve in life.

I was interested in how it was causing procrastination and found that it was linked to experiences that caused us to have negative feelings such as a loss of self-confidence, a feeling of guilt, the fear of risk and failure, etc.

For example, some people self-sabotage because something in the past made them feel that they were not good enough, so they do not put forth a lot of effort because this programming tells them that they should not waste energy on things they are not good at.

Others might blame themselves for something that happened long ago. They might blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, and this created a program of guilt.  They subconsciously sabotage their efforts to create a good life to punish themselves.

My Own Emotional Experiences from Childhood

I had various strong emotional experiences when I was young.

I was adopted when I was almost 3 years old.  This caused me to develop protective mechanisms as a child that followed me into adulthood.  I also encountered bullying when I was young as I was half Japanese growing up in a mostly white community.  This also caused me to develop protective mechanisms.

Logically, I understood how these things affected me to some degree, and that knowledge helped.  However, after learning to explore and better understand myself, I was able to discover in more detail the protective programming that was subconsciously working against me.  Here are a few of things I discovered about myself.

I discovered that part of me wanted to be independent, because I didn’t want to rely on people who might not be in my life later.  This caused me to hate relying on different companies and bosses for my future, so I gave up good jobs so I could be an entrepreneur.

On the other hand, I blamed myself for a lot of what happened to me, so I was self-sabotaging my efforts to succeed, because I was subconsciously punishing myself.  I didn’t realize it, but I was blaming myself deep inside for a lot of what had happened to me, and this guilt was creating strong pushback from my subconscious whenever I tried to create a new business.

I also wanted to be successful so I could show up to those who had criticized or bullied me.  I discovered that this conflicted with my values and character and also caused strong pushback.

How Did I Find the Programming that Was Causing Me to Delay?

I started looking at how others found and rewired their programming, and I started to use the same techniques.

A Deep and Honest Self-Assessment

The most crucial step I learned was to do a deep self-assessment.  I had to use questions and deep introspection to try and understand why I was behaving in certain ways.

I used a combination of three techniques I had come across in my studies.

• One was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In CBT, the focus is to look at your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and see what they are telling you about yourself.
• Another technique involved inspecting my emotions and learning to understand their real, underlying cause.
• The third technique I used was learning to look at my character, especially in the past, and see where I had conflicts and what caused them. This would better help me understand where there were conflicts with my core values.

These techniques required mindfulness, deep introspection, honesty, and vulnerability.  It required me to put down my protective walls.  I had to let go of the stories and excuses that I used to validate my behavior and feelings.

My Journey of Deep Introspection and Understanding

I started to learn to be mindful.  I slowly started to learn to be aware of my emotions, behaviors, and thoughts.

Some days, I would take time and sit down with a notebook.  I would relax, close my eyes, and start the self-assessment by asking questions. Why do I continue to delay?  What would happen if I were to be successful?  What do I fear about success?

I would then dig deeper by questioning each answer.  Is this the real answer?  What else is there?  Why is this answer important to me?

If I felt any negative emotions, I would explore them, too.  What is the emotion I am really feeling and what is it telling me?

I share a step-by-step process for how to learn from your emotions in the following article:  I Overcame Procrastination by Learning to Understand and Manage My Emotions

I would also look back in the past and try to see where I was successful and then explore why I later failed.  I was looking for patterns that told me things about my character.  Were there any conflicts in my character that were subconsciously causing me to procrastinate?

Other times, I learned to be mindful of my thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.  If I knew I was putting off something, I would look inward and question what I was feeling.  If I felt anxiety, I asked what was causing it.  If I had a lot of negative thoughts, I would start to explore why I was thinking that way and try to discover how it was linked to in my past.

After consistently doing this over a period of time, I started to discover answers.

How I Came to Terms with My Past

When I started to find answers, I had to come to terms with what they meant to me.

Part of me was angry at myself and others for my adoption.  As an adult, I never noticed this anger as I could understand my real mother’s side, and my adoptive parents loved and supported me.

The 3-year-old me who was taken away, suppressed anger and guilt as part of early protection systems.  I had pushed these feelings deep down.

I followed a system for the answers I discovered.

First, I acknowledged and accepted them.  I did not push them away, dismiss, or ignore them.  They were real and important at the time and served an important purpose.  I acknowledged that those emotions were real and helped to get me to where I am today.

Next, I envisioned the younger version of myself at that time and thanked them.  I told them it was time to let go and to work together to create a new life.  I wasn’t letting them go, but I was asking them to be a part of me working together.   I told them what I wanted to create and asked them to help me (us).

Finally, I learned to forgive myself for whatever negative feelings I had such as needing to protect myself, feeling self-sabotage, feeling abandoned.  I accepted those emotions and acknowledged that they were important to me.

I also learned to forgive, in my heart, different people in my past, such as the father I never met, or the few bullies who tormented me.  I was tired of carrying hate, anger, and blame.  I could choose a new path.

This led me to be at more peace with myself.  I could feel the low-level anxiety and fears that I had about my future lessen.  I started finding it was easier to start and complete things.

It was not a 100% sudden change; old habits and thinking are not quickly replaceable.  However, with consistent practice and reminders to myself, I started to notice a positive change in life.

The Steps I Took to Help Cement New Thinking

Once I had discovered my numerous, deep conflicts, I found that the self-help information I had digested over many years, became even more important and helpful in structuring my life.

One important method to help remind me of what I had acknowledge and accepted was affirmations.  I would repeat a statement I had written to remind me to acknowledge, accept, forgive, and work together with my past selves to create the new future I wanted.

Advice for Those Wanting to Find Their Own Inner Conflicts

This is a life-long process.  By doing the above exercises, I have become much more comfortable and confident with who I am.

Chronic procrastination sucks.

It leads to a loss of confidence, depression, and negativity.  It causes stress and anxiety.  It hurts relationships and can hurt financially.

If you chronically procrastinate, start with a deep, self-assessment.

Finding and coming to terms with your past will start to remove hurdles, reduce stress, and help you find a new purpose in life.

It takes consistent practice, but it can be done.

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My next articles will go into deeper detail on each of the steps I mentioned today.  If you don’t want to miss the next steps and want them in your mailbox, please sign up for my newsletter to get them sent directly to you.