It is also useful when you are irritated by someone.
If someone cuts you off in traffic, or your boss yells at you, or you see someone behaving in a way that irritates you, what happens?
Depends on the person, but most reactions range from minor irritation to outright anger.
What if someone has hurt you in the past? Do you still carry resentment and anger towards that person years later? Can you forgive them?
I know that I am supposed to forgive people, but it has always been very difficult to do.
I was still carrying a lot of hate, anger, and resentment, and I wanted to forgive and let it go, but I found it was difficult to do.
I was adopted when I was very young, and I recently made a connection to how my adoption was causing me to be unforgiving when I felt really hurt or betrayed by someone.
An Intriguing Point of View
Luckily, I came across a video of “mind architect,” Peter Crone. He said something that really intrigued me and helped me learn to forgive and let go.
He said that, if the positions were reversed, and you became the person that you are irritated or angry with and experienced all the same exact things that person had when growing up, then you would behave exactly as that person you are irritated or angry with.
If you think about it, the way we act and behave comes down to our genes plus all the experiences we have encountered while growing up – how we were raised, the environment we grew up in, the people we interacted with, the ideas and world views we were introduced to, the relationships we had, etc. They all influenced, impacted, and created who we are.
Now when I look at people who do something that I think is not right, I realize that if I were them, I would behave the same exact way.
Why is this important?
Because once I saw that those people were behaving as they were programmed by their past, I found that it was much easier to forgive them and move on. I quit thinking about their behavior. I quit stewing about their motives. I quit trying to rationalize their thinking.
But what about that one person or people who really hurt me?
If you are like me, after hearing what Peter said, you are probably thinking about those people who really hurt you. Maybe you are thinking you can’t or don’t want to forgive them.
I get it.
I was bullied when I was younger.
I was bullied, especially in junior high school, because I was part Japanese.
As an adult, I buried those memories, and over the years I never really thought about them. After doing a deep assessment, I realized that I still carried a lot of deep anger, resentment, shame, and hate for those people and always had hoped that karma had taught them a lesson.
After hearing Peter’s words, I realized that those people who bullied me were behaving due to their total life experiences at the time.
Maybe they were abused at home, so they lashed out at others. Maybe they were insecure about something because of what someone said to them, so they bullied others to prove to themselves that they were better than they were. Maybe they felt neglected, so they bullied others so that they could feel connected with their friends.
In the end, it didn’t matter the reason they picked on me, but realizing that those people were the sum of their past experiences and that I would have acted exactly the same if I had been them, made it easy to finally let go and forgive them.
You can hate the act, but you can choose to forgive the person.
Do I forgive the act?
No, I hate bullying, but I can forgive those people.
Understanding that those people were acting according to their own experiences that shaped them, made it much easier for me to forgive them. I could separate their actions from the person, and that separation made it easier to let it go and to forgive.
I changed inside after forgiving those people.
By realizing that those people were behaving as they had been programmed by all the events in their life, I was able to forgive them, and this lifted a weight from my shoulders that I hadn’t realized I was still carrying.
After forgiving them, I found I didn’t need to hold that hate and anger deep down anymore. This in turn had a great benefit because I noticed I started caring less about what others thought of me.
The bullying in my past had subconsciously programmed me to act in certain ways when triggered. For example, if I came across people who subconsciously reminded me of my past tormentors in some way, I would not engage with them authentically. I would be more critical and wary when dealing with them. I wasn’t conscious of this programming until I learned to be aware of how my past affected my behavior.
Once I let go and forgave those people in the past, I noticed that I was acting more authentically with everyone, and this, in turn, subconsciously made them more relaxed and able to act more authentically with me.
What does this mean for you?
What this means is that when a stranger does something to irritate you, when a boss yells at you, or when your partner does something to make you angry, you should remember that those people are the sum of their experiences; they are reacting to all the programming they have learned over their life.
It means that you can let go of all the weight of negative emotions and thoughts that you have been carrying from people who have hurt you in the past.
Remember, you can dislike the behavior, but you don’t have to dislike the person.
If you do not let it go, then you are allowing yourself to be controlled by them even if it were years ago. Letting people continue to affect us, even though the incident is past, does nothing to them and everything to you.
It is not about them. It is about you. Instead of focusing on them, focus on healing yourself, and then you will feel true freedom and happiness.
How would you feel if you let it go?
Instead of carrying those people and hate with me all the time, I asked myself how I would feel to let it go? How would I feel to live my life without carrying all that hate, anger, shame buried deep?
Just thinking about it lifted a weight from my shoulders and made me feel free.
Try it right now.
Close your eyes and really imagine how you would feel to forgive a person who hurt you before and to let those negative emotions you are carrying go?
There are so many people carrying blame and hate and guilt and shame with them each and every day. If you could free your mind from that, how would you feel? Really try to picture that.
Releasing the chains that bind us is an integral step to finding real freedom and happiness.
Summary
The point is to realize that people behave as they do because of their genes and life experiences. But with awareness of this fact, you can become truly free by realizing why people behave as they do and forgive the person and then move on.
Instead of wasting all your time worrying about others, focus on you. Practice every day.
Forgive and let things go.
When you quit carrying the burden from your past with you, you will become more authentic, and your authenticity will cause others to treat you more authentically. This raises your vibrancy and allows you to attract better things to you.
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